Love Letters

You used to write me love letters,
tuck them in places you knew I’d find
if I saw the edge peeking out at a particular time.
Each line carefully composed and exact,
reminders of how deep passion had grown, since the first day our eyes met, standing there
speechless. 
Because words failed what hearts knew to already be truth,
even if it felt like an eternity, to finally get me to you.
You used to write me love letters, for no reason other than to tell me you had been thinking of me, my smile
and remembering every thing I did to drive you wild 
when our lips met in the dark, 
my hands finding yours, my body keeping yours warm, 
holding you so close, as if I was afraid that someone might pluck you from my soul, if you didn’t feel my arms around you. 
You used to write me love letters, 
when the night before we shared heated words in moments of anger and went to bed in opposite rooms,
but sleep left us no choice except to remember why love brought us together,
and that this too would pass.
How I long for those days when you couldn’t live without my touch, my arms, my kiss…
The days before love letters became notes and frustrations took hold of explanations,
and excuses became the norm, reasoning away every layer of what I thought we had built.
You used to write me love letters, your words tucked in the corners of my heart where I swore I could never lose them,
or us
or you. 
But now you’re gone,
and I can’t seem to find a single crumpled paper to tell me why.

carve

carving each breathe/ from one word/ to the next/ wondering if survival ends/ when the last letter/ of the last word/ sits still in its groove/ as shavings of memories/ lay strewn

.nausea.

i push the feeling down
as a wave of nausea and expectation rise
at the base of my throat
i’m ill over the idea of you

lost in my thoughts because my lips
refuse to part
i don’t want a single sound to escape
or you’ll know
and my eyes wander in the distance
over your head, anywhere but into the gaze of your eyes
no point in you seeing the way I feel
if my words will never catch up

you captivate me and even as these letters
become another word in reference to you
i still can’t speak
my tongue longs for the day when
it can whisper my passions
into your ear

w_rds

words don't have an impact until we give them power
we assign words and attach them to people, places and things like a stain
and wait for the world to react, emotions brimming over the sides to decide
what’s inside
but there’s emptiness
words have holes
and we’ve fallen through them

.crush.

If I told you that I wanted you that I wake up and the first thought is what your lips would taste like at that very moment, would you take me seriously, could you?

 If I’m bold enough to prove to you that these words have action & emotion behind them, then would you lend me the care of your heart? 

I’ve drawn circles and squares setting us between them and created the shape of love 

I’m waiting and wondering what your passions sound like breathed into my ear before you climax within the wetness engulfing my fingers 

I want you …more than is imaginable 

So much to the point that I breathe in your voice and forget the sound of mine 

You are beauty In every sense of the noun I’m at a loss for verbs, adjectives and conjunctions to clutter up the space between my tongue & your skin 

The most desirable sin, 

you’ve become a need I’ll chase into the early hours of the morning 

I’d stay awake forever just to watch you open your eyes, look at me and say “you are my love.” 

Patiently, earnestly and with nothing but sincere devotion to your soul, I pledge my affection & whisper words of your praise into the night sky I’ve fallen and there’s no place I would rather be then here.

.drowning.

rain pounds against the windows of my heart and floods the corners with puddles of emotional concern …you’re leaving drops of you everywhere

and soon ill forget what a day of sunshine stood for against the torrential floods of your misguided intent
I’m but a storm away from ruin, yet relentlessly you pursue the core of me, determined to crack my resolve and create small damp pools of triumph where warm refuge once had a home…
a house is not a home without love they say, but love can drown even the best swimmer
and my head, tilted up, chin fighting to keep air into these lungs, grows weary quickly
I’m dying for the very love I had hoped would keep me afloat

.desire.

close your eyes so I can feel your soul from the inside out
see me without looking at me
touch me without your skin against mine
I’m lost in the sound of your voice
and when I’m not near, I imagine your lips parting so that
my fingertips graze the softest parts moments before I kiss them
I crave each second, each minute, to watch the want in your body unravel
threads of your heart, pulled back together when we merge
so beautiful you are, that this ache is like a wretched thorn in my heart
but I’ll bleed it dry just to spend one more moment in your presence
passion breaks the silence between our paused speech and builds a bridge
where we meet again for the first time
I want your forever
because you are mine

.love's slave.

Syllables and sounds of regret dance
Like flames on hot coals
Tongues disfigured in an ambiguous distortion of the truth
Your truth
But I know better
These sounds form words and lay upon my shoulder
Tips, kissed and brushed away with passion’s empty promises
I’ll never be the only one
Your only
But for now you’re here with me

So I imagine a time and place where
Rushed want is from desire rather than
A conflict of time with her
Despite the way your hand moves across my face
And tells me this is just what it is
The truth hides behind your eyes
Which unlike your mouth are unable to form such deceptive lies
I smile back in knowing that
The taste of me lingers on you When she pulls you close at night
I stroke your hair and feel the ease
In your body from my touch
And know that my goodbye will be
The very impact of love in all its complexities
So no note, no words this time
Just silence
For words become love’s slave
And this prisoner is ready to break free

Unavailable

Unavailable
It's like a flashing red neon sign the minute I think we're pushing up earth with new roots
I see the same weeds attacking everything we've built
Choking the life out of destiny
And drying up my garden of tears
You're but a cruel joke continuously played on my open heart
And I can't help but laugh
At my stupidity
I wait for you to become the love you promised you would be
But you sink and never rise to the occasion
You're nothing but a pipe dream buried deep within the darkness of my soul

Untitled

Sitting here unclothed but covered in thoughts of you
Skin warm to the touch
Defiant acceptance of this craving manifested in the physical reaction my body has
Every time your name is whispered between my lips
So I cover them, but you escape
And I'm aware, so aware of this
Yet I sit here naked, exposing myself to you
In hopes that you'll see me, see to the core of this ends to justify a means
You are
the infinite hope in my heart that love is frayed at the seams
Waiting for two souls to pull it back together
Grab the other end

Climax

I want to write 

Not words but sounds and syllables against the nape of your neck

It’s not time to define what this is just yet

I’m scribbling bits of me in random corners of you 

Keep your eyes closed and let me rhythm away your blues

Uncovering the deepest parts of you


I want to write
Won’t you let me find the words between the sweet quivering of your thighs

Clenched fists, sheets tangled in your palms

Letters that become sweet moans of pleasure

I’m ready for you to climax into a poem you can’t forget

After-taste

Another day spent lamenting the loss of love and the birth of loneliness
Sprung up like a weed of interruption amidst the flowers in my beaten soul
Beating but cold
I'm but a fragment of the
Sentence I used to be
Can't find the middle or the end because you
Walked away with the words that made sense
And I'm stuck here in the shadows muttering half eaten memories
And gathering crumbs of a love I used to taste, breathe in and know
Now I'm starving
& refraining from acknowledging the look in your eyes
Every time you said I love you, your most painful lie

Untitled

I want to fall in love in a place where the language rolls off my tongue and hits the ears of a beautiful woman across the cafe smiling as I ask her her name
Where the air smells crisp, clean and the village hustle and bustle consists of vendors with fresh fruit and vegetables grown locally
Tan palms and toothy grins in greeting as I near their stands
I'm looking for an adventure today, the kind that awakens my palate and gives my thirst for life a new passion
I can't imagine a more beautiful way to start my day, sipping tea on the balcony watching the sun rise
The day is affirming it's presence
I want to fall in love in a place full of charm, hidden gems in pockets of streets lined with lush greenery and architectural beauty
I'm discovering myself in each moment that I explore these hills in wonder
Laughter rings through the air
And I feel home, I'm finally home
El amor de mi pais
Libertad

Untitled

I love you
Fell like shards of glass onto linoleum
Cracked pieces scattered everywhere so the truth could not be recovered
Picking up my heart again with a dustpan and a broom
Stooped low towards the ground listening to the melody of heartache
Smash against reality
Sometimes it's not worth knowing the words to the same song
If you'll only burrow inside the sound to escape
Chastising myself and taking a vow of silence from the L word
The capacity to succumb reduced with my feet firmly planted on the ground
I'd rather stand alone than fall and break
There's only so much of me left

Untitled

Words float on the edge of bubbles at the bottom of this bottle
Shipwrecked from my heart they've wandered aimlessly into the unknown
Numbing sadness hits my tastebuds in splashes and the sweet flavor of honesty is like an awakening
I'm born again there, tabula rasa
And you've been reduced to the fine dust left behind from the eraser
I'm ready to forget

Give. Thanks.

Thanks?

Give back what weathered hands, twisted backs and songs of redemption lay as the foundation to your stolen empire

A country built with feet on the backs of earth toned skin, so many times

That history is like a record stuck on the same song

Even though everyone selectively forgets the words

And man made illness fittingly will suffice to kill the rest

Blood continues to spill and overflow as they pretend not to feel it splash upon their wrists

It’s not as if any cultural compassion has ever existed outside of the wonder bread variety

Bleached skin, synthetic hair, contacts, erase the identity psychologically so that each time those broken spirits see their skin they curse & blame

They curse & stain

While the oppressor lays in a box and cooks, as if in an oven,
Set to 350, bake for an hour and let cool

Instant results without the minority component, privilege still intact

You are the face you seek to erase, for a price

To look like those they persecute, because they envy

Envy the beauty of brownness, depth, full lips, rounded hips and souls that have carried the weight of hate like battle wounds for centuries

They’ll never be as strong as those they seek to destroy so teaching self-hate is the greatest weapon they have
It’s the most effective

And each day, a country that stands behind the power to eliminate at the expense of their Swiss cheese conscience,
Swiss bank account transactions pending, could care less

About the deeds and wealth accumulated by the destruction of native peoples

Is another day lost

Land taken, redistributed and designated as “their”promised land

Blood money no longer passes hands

But hits accounts on a given date

And in hushed tones others speak of the societal rape

This land was our land, this land was not made for you and me

Don’t suit the lyrics to your history book lies

In attempts to solidify the world’s greatest lies

Nothing was discovered and no one ever needed to be transported by boat, head to foot, foot to head

As body excrements fell at the same speed of tears

On other brown bodies in fear

No legal documents written by the hands of slave owners, clothes made from cotton picked with my ancestors' hands, food produced and consumed at the expense of their freedom

Will not ever reek of entitlement’s stench

It’s filthy and morally defunct

The rungs of hope are hot like coal and burn flesh to the touch
See these ancestors rise yet again to smell the burning of their ambition

.change.

You've counted me out,
counted me in,
pennied, nickeled & dimed me
I'm the only change you'll never spend
Smooth rounded corners of my existence hitting the fabric in your pockets
I'm forgotten & just cents
even if when we are alone you put me in your palm and it makes sense
I'm metal & you're flesh
I withstand extreme heat or cold without shelter & survive with little to nothing, but I'm strong
You are easily cut, bruised and scarred without repair...remnants of your history blemish the very hands you hold me in.
Let me go, let me know
The way it feels to be more than
an afterthought when the kinds that folds in artificial bliss
is a distant memory
& you realize you still have change
Left waiting but you'd rather stay the same
Being broke indefinitely

.lost lovers.

Say you’re misunderstood but what’s confusing is that your words are like the hard coating on your actions
Unbreakable yet so hurtful
So you crave the closeness of two lovers lost at the end of each others’ sentences
But you’re more like the period at the end; content beads up like perspiration off the skin of your lies
Your eyes
Deep hollow and rounded at the tips
I swear they were made for destruction
Yet you claim you want peace rather than war even though your heart is covered in a bullet proof vest
I stopped looking for hints of me in your smile because, your reasons for happiness left right along with them
I listened as your footsteps grew further away with each sound, each beat of your heart like a low rumble of a drum
I’m no musician but it sounded like the death of passion on pavement

"the cab ride"

outside the cab window the city lights sparkled like jewels that had been stuck into the night sky as the scenery whizzed by, only stopping to give a moment less blurred at an occasional red light. i felt hot air against my cheek as i turned to see the door open. she climbed in beside me and immediately the sweet scent of her filled the air and made me dizzy with desire. her lips parted to tell the driver her destination but it sounded like background noise as i eyed her from head to toe. her lips were lush and probably the most delicious part of her face besides her eyes, those seductive big brown eyes. she turned to me as the cab moved forward hugging the corners of the streets and suddenly we were thrown into each other, her breath against my face, as i found our lips inches from each other and she looked slightly mischievous before she grabbed my face with her cold hands and began kissing me. i melted at the instant her skin touched mine and grabbed her bottom lip between my teeth, sucking as she moaned. i pressed her against the window by her shoulders and felt her push back against me slightly trying to regain control, but i was stronger and i could tell she liked it. i felt the gaze of the cabbie's eyes in the mirror as i sucked on her tongue and her hands pulled my hair, but i didn't care. the windows began to mist over as she bit her lip to keep from moaning while i sucked on her neck, and my hands pushed their way beneath her layers of clothing and met her warm body quivering beneath them. she pulled my head closer to her mouth and whispered in my ear "i want you" as my hands began to roam her body. i kissed her neck, chin and collarbone as my hands caressed her breasts, squeezing her nipples between my fingertips. "fuck" she moaned arching her back, pushing herself against me. the cab jerked suddenly as the cabbie's eyes were glued to the backseat, instead of the road, giving her the advantage over me, so she pushed back against me and i fell against the seat as she straddled me, smiling. with her hands against my shoulders she leaned down and kissed me passionately while my i wrapped my hands around her waist, then dug my nails into her back causing her to bite down hard on my lip. the taste of blood mingled between our tongues as she sucked on my lip and her hands went up my shirt. i grabbed her ass as i felt her begin to grind against me. i unbuttoned her jeans with one hand and slowly put my hand between her legs, feeling her soaking wet, as she gasped and looked down at me. she leaned over to kiss me as i drew circles on her clit with my fingers. her hand pushed my fingers inside of her as she moaned. i felt myself get wet as they became immersed in her sweet stickyness. "shit" i said biting my lip as she moved against my fingers faster and i pushed deeper inside. "more" she said still grinding against my fingers, so i slid another finger inside of her as i heard the cabbie on his walkie talkie say "you guys aren't going to believe this shit". "sure you can take more?" i asked her pushing another finger inside of her as she moaned and rode against my fingers, harder getting wetter and wetter. she leaned over and bit my neck as i slowly curled my fingers up inside her, tucked in my thumb and began fisting her. i felt her teeth dig deep into my shoulder as she moaned and relaxed her muscles so that i could dig further inside of her. she whimpered in my ear clinging to me as the heat between our bodies became entangled in sweat drenched clothes. i pumped my fist slowly in and out of her until i felt her muscles tighten up & her body begin to shake. her cum dripped all around my fingers and i waited for her to stop shaking as i slowly pulled my hand out of her. she looked me dead in the eye as she sucked each and every finger dry and i felt my clit throb, as i tried to close my legs. "um we're....here. ride's on me. seriously," the cabbie said out of breath as we both looked up at him & then at the brownstone outside the window. she climbed off me and we straightened our clothes. "wanna come up?" she said smiling devilishly. "why not?" i said smiling back as we excited the cab for round II.