Love Letters

You used to write me love letters,
tuck them in places you knew I’d find
if I saw the edge peeking out at a particular time.
Each line carefully composed and exact,
reminders of how deep passion had grown, since the first day our eyes met, standing there
speechless. 
Because words failed what hearts knew to already be truth,
even if it felt like an eternity, to finally get me to you.
You used to write me love letters, for no reason other than to tell me you had been thinking of me, my smile
and remembering every thing I did to drive you wild 
when our lips met in the dark, 
my hands finding yours, my body keeping yours warm, 
holding you so close, as if I was afraid that someone might pluck you from my soul, if you didn’t feel my arms around you. 
You used to write me love letters, 
when the night before we shared heated words in moments of anger and went to bed in opposite rooms,
but sleep left us no choice except to remember why love brought us together,
and that this too would pass.
How I long for those days when you couldn’t live without my touch, my arms, my kiss…
The days before love letters became notes and frustrations took hold of explanations,
and excuses became the norm, reasoning away every layer of what I thought we had built.
You used to write me love letters, your words tucked in the corners of my heart where I swore I could never lose them,
or us
or you. 
But now you’re gone,
and I can’t seem to find a single crumpled paper to tell me why.

.scattered.

catching laughter between palms that cover mouths, fingers that hold space time and mine

 I’ve walked the length of your mind and I still won’t tire as I wait for you to be mine 

I’m but a lover in love with the love of my life and the infinite possibilities that lay before me, woven like a web of delicious deceit spun with fibers that hold together even the weakest, then dine on their convenience 

you’re a victimless crime and ill punish myself for you 

I would lay down bricks to create a path for you to walk in between the chaos of our minds 

I don’t mind; you’re worth this time 

let me have you

.she writes.

she writes poems for me
because the words can never seem to fall from her lips
yet the ink that stains her paper holds more weight,
more truth,
than I’ve ever heard her mutter out loud
my intense desire to hear those words, rather than run my fingers over flat black marks piques her interest
for she’s incapable of living and loving out loud
all her feelings are trapped between two surfaces
while she’s a prisoner in her thoughts
and I often wonder how we would be, together, if she was free

.desire.

close your eyes so I can feel your soul from the inside out
see me without looking at me
touch me without your skin against mine
I’m lost in the sound of your voice
and when I’m not near, I imagine your lips parting so that
my fingertips graze the softest parts moments before I kiss them
I crave each second, each minute, to watch the want in your body unravel
threads of your heart, pulled back together when we merge
so beautiful you are, that this ache is like a wretched thorn in my heart
but I’ll bleed it dry just to spend one more moment in your presence
passion breaks the silence between our paused speech and builds a bridge
where we meet again for the first time
I want your forever
because you are mine

.love's slave.

Syllables and sounds of regret dance
Like flames on hot coals
Tongues disfigured in an ambiguous distortion of the truth
Your truth
But I know better
These sounds form words and lay upon my shoulder
Tips, kissed and brushed away with passion’s empty promises
I’ll never be the only one
Your only
But for now you’re here with me

So I imagine a time and place where
Rushed want is from desire rather than
A conflict of time with her
Despite the way your hand moves across my face
And tells me this is just what it is
The truth hides behind your eyes
Which unlike your mouth are unable to form such deceptive lies
I smile back in knowing that
The taste of me lingers on you When she pulls you close at night
I stroke your hair and feel the ease
In your body from my touch
And know that my goodbye will be
The very impact of love in all its complexities
So no note, no words this time
Just silence
For words become love’s slave
And this prisoner is ready to break free

.morning.

Yawns surface & light pours into my windows
Morning has found me again casting shadows on
Eyes that never closed and on arms that clutch pillows
Where you used to lay
How can the day be so beautiful when everything inside of me feels so ugly?
I turn to face the wall, yet the sun, relentless in its pursuit of happiness drenches me in the warmth of nature's peaceful advice
To "just be"
Even though my spirit is broken and my tongue is stilled by words exchanged in anger
I feel the energy of healing spread across my fingertips loosening the grip on sheets I'd held in defiance
Birds chirp melodies only they know the words to and the day begins anew
All that's missing is you

.street lights.

You’re so used to finger smudges
and the stench of yesterday’s regret lingering on your skin

That you chase away the possibility of anything that resembles happiness

You blow smoke clouds of mistrust through nostrils that inhale despair

And your heel buries the butt of your misfortune deep into the ground 

Even as hands cling to the collar of your shirt and lips press into your neck

You won’t succumb to the passion within

As another door closes you look longingly waiting for the old familiar sound of defeat

As it echoes in your ears

Then you lay, street lights illuminating your heart as each minute it goes further into the night

It’s better this way you tell yourself

But the only one convinced is you

Unavailable

Unavailable
It's like a flashing red neon sign the minute I think we're pushing up earth with new roots
I see the same weeds attacking everything we've built
Choking the life out of destiny
And drying up my garden of tears
You're but a cruel joke continuously played on my open heart
And I can't help but laugh
At my stupidity
I wait for you to become the love you promised you would be
But you sink and never rise to the occasion
You're nothing but a pipe dream buried deep within the darkness of my soul

After-taste

Another day spent lamenting the loss of love and the birth of loneliness
Sprung up like a weed of interruption amidst the flowers in my beaten soul
Beating but cold
I'm but a fragment of the
Sentence I used to be
Can't find the middle or the end because you
Walked away with the words that made sense
And I'm stuck here in the shadows muttering half eaten memories
And gathering crumbs of a love I used to taste, breathe in and know
Now I'm starving
& refraining from acknowledging the look in your eyes
Every time you said I love you, your most painful lie

Untitled

I want to fall in love in a place where the language rolls off my tongue and hits the ears of a beautiful woman across the cafe smiling as I ask her her name
Where the air smells crisp, clean and the village hustle and bustle consists of vendors with fresh fruit and vegetables grown locally
Tan palms and toothy grins in greeting as I near their stands
I'm looking for an adventure today, the kind that awakens my palate and gives my thirst for life a new passion
I can't imagine a more beautiful way to start my day, sipping tea on the balcony watching the sun rise
The day is affirming it's presence
I want to fall in love in a place full of charm, hidden gems in pockets of streets lined with lush greenery and architectural beauty
I'm discovering myself in each moment that I explore these hills in wonder
Laughter rings through the air
And I feel home, I'm finally home
El amor de mi pais
Libertad

Hero

In despair
each and every time I
silently wish for a hero
but only you appear
(The one who broke my heart)
With glue and promises in tow
But you look so different as a hero
That I forget underneath it all you were first the villain
I forget I wouldn't need to be saved
If I stopped putting myself in harm's way
I forget I wouldn't need your kisses to evaporate the tears you made fall
Your words dance like bubbles, soft penetrable and limited in their ability to do anything but completely disappear
My fingertips still wet and sticky
with the residue of I Love You's
But that's it -- and I can't be too sure if you were ever here
You've left no traces of an attempt to ever stay

One day

One day I'm going to fall in love, foolishly but for all the right reasons and the person I love will love me -- selflessly, perfectly
The way you never would

She will look me in the eye and I will know that the sounds forming between her lips are merely the cherry atop the whipped cream of her actions
Those words will shape my heart, my life, my present and my future
Into the shape of happiness
You know, that round block you thought fit into the square peg

I'll know that every time our eyes meet she won't be searching mine to see if I recognize the person in front of me
We will be the reflection of honesty and devotion in one another

One day I'll hold hands, watch movies and laugh until my stomach hurts with someone who knows me as well as she knows herself because we live for today
And are grateful for tomorrow
Our dreams are whispers between cool sheets and rustles of morning blankets

Sweet kisses on foreheads and I want you's that linger in a quick glance
This is love? This is love.
Hands that search for the small in her back then gently glide and wrap around her waist
I adore her every inch, every atom of her being
She completes me

One day

Untitled

Stuck at the corner of “I’ll change” and “I didn’t mean to hurt you”

I’m running late for the best thing that ever happened to me

Getting over you

Another detour 

It’s as if I’m meant to be reminded 

That you’re not interested in loving me
Even though my heart is set on being the best part of you
I’ve crashed head first into denial

And the “I love you’s” sound brand new

Untitled

I love you
Fell like shards of glass onto linoleum
Cracked pieces scattered everywhere so the truth could not be recovered
Picking up my heart again with a dustpan and a broom
Stooped low towards the ground listening to the melody of heartache
Smash against reality
Sometimes it's not worth knowing the words to the same song
If you'll only burrow inside the sound to escape
Chastising myself and taking a vow of silence from the L word
The capacity to succumb reduced with my feet firmly planted on the ground
I'd rather stand alone than fall and break
There's only so much of me left

Untitled

Words float on the edge of bubbles at the bottom of this bottle
Shipwrecked from my heart they've wandered aimlessly into the unknown
Numbing sadness hits my tastebuds in splashes and the sweet flavor of honesty is like an awakening
I'm born again there, tabula rasa
And you've been reduced to the fine dust left behind from the eraser
I'm ready to forget

.saturate.

Saturate my present with memories of your past and leave my future dry
I'm building a dam to keep what's behind us out
Current love pending with creation of a foundation that can
Withstand the red ink, yellow tape and glaringly obvious stench of moral decay
The most beautiful part of a damaged wing is that it's still struggling to fly
Save me as I save you

untitled

false truths fall faster from your lips
than I love you can hide behind my eyes
the speed of fear and love at the intersection
of reality
chasing you like a thief in the night
you’ve stolen my heart and run away with it
too afraid to stay and let it beat inside the palms
of your hands
so
you squeeze, I’m without breath, air
i’m starved for your affection
and alive merely by the will to eat

Counting Sheep

Breathing in rhythms of pain and loss,
Love lays over me like a tattered sheet on a brisk night
Everything exposed to the elements of harsh reality; you're never coming back
Legs tangle, arms fold & unfold
Eyelids flutter endlessly in an attempt to will the darkness to bring comfort
To bring some sort of solace to the groove where
My heart used to be
Sunken memories between sheets and pillows smell of yesterday's passion
I'm
Caught in sensory overload and standing on the edge of madness
I'm
Awake
Troubled by the empty thud banging against my ribs and drumming as if some ancient ritual of self infliction
Would bring you, my lover, back into my arms
Back into those cool summer nights, a mess of brown skin, arms that found their way in slumber
Around waists and traced designs on hips and curves that became a roadmap of love within each journey
Lips that warmed, slightly opened and the sound of air escaping between them reminds love that the distance is merely inches from your grasp
And eyes opened to stare, fingers ran blindly, yet so aware over those lips
And remember the first time they met,
The first time that something greater than sleep with the ability to render bliss
Became a way of life
I'm
Lost again in yesterday's want, mixed with the desire to learn you again, ceiling twisting and cracking as pieces fall onto my face
I've never been good at counting sheep

Love's Labryinth

Talking until my lips turn blue
Cold air passing between them
Landing anywhere but near your ears
You don't hear me

It's as if the audio on your heart has turned down the logic in you mind and things are scrambled, jumbled and ready to topple over at a moments notice
You're unstable, like a house built without a foundation
You will never be home.

My thoughts fold like origami and try to make sense of the person before me
Layers of something with an end product of hidden chambers, interlocking bits & pieces
How did we get here? Love's labyrinth

I've lost you and myself in the process
Chasing your insecurities like thieves in the night
Wanting you whole was my only crime
Yet I've been sentenced to life without reciprocity

So my hearts stops banging inside my chest and splits into two,
every memory, moment and passion begins to spill out
And stain the walls of my body
I'm missing again

Party of One

You've thrown yourself a party again,
but the only one that RSVP'd is you

Balloons, streamers, party favors & hats. This time you were going big, you said. Party for one?
One.

The only number you can count to since no one else ever seems to exist.

Love is a one man show for you. You flirt, get your own number & forget to call.
You suck at even picking yourself up & following through on a date.

Those nights tossing in between sheets, welcoming your own demons and fighting angels that sought to heal your soul
Suffering is what you do best

So weeks turn to months, years & you wonder what became of that old love you buried on a cold New England day.

It's sprung forth from soil without water, little to no sunlight & an environment of solitude where barely anything can grow,
& became a blossoming tree, beside another tree
that grew from one of its seeds
you see
love has a way of breaking through the toughest misery

Still having parties with only one in attendance while
love blossoms outside your window
all you can do is stare, alone
& watch it become everything
you will never be