"untitled"

these are the saddest words you’ll never hear me say
perhaps you’ll walk into a bookstore one day
hand in hand
with the next love of your life
and she’ll be holding her stomach, with her other hand, her unborn addition to your infinite happiness waiting to arrive
and she will smile at you as you turn over a book,
a book you can’t explain why you’re drawn to, but it’s a book of poems
and you flip to a page
and these words spill from the edges of it
like my tears falling as I write
and you remember without hesitation that
you were once mine
and I was once yours
and these words
and this space
between us
are merely that of circumstance
and you'll pause
she’ll watch you and grab your arm while asking
if you’re “okay”, concern lining the creases
in her unknowing face
and you'll say
“I’m fine, just fine” then you'll put my heart
back on the shelf
and walk away
again

.nausea.

i push the feeling down
as a wave of nausea and expectation rise
at the base of my throat
i’m ill over the idea of you

lost in my thoughts because my lips
refuse to part
i don’t want a single sound to escape
or you’ll know
and my eyes wander in the distance
over your head, anywhere but into the gaze of your eyes
no point in you seeing the way I feel
if my words will never catch up

you captivate me and even as these letters
become another word in reference to you
i still can’t speak
my tongue longs for the day when
it can whisper my passions
into your ear

.she writes.

she writes poems for me
because the words can never seem to fall from her lips
yet the ink that stains her paper holds more weight,
more truth,
than I’ve ever heard her mutter out loud
my intense desire to hear those words, rather than run my fingers over flat black marks piques her interest
for she’s incapable of living and loving out loud
all her feelings are trapped between two surfaces
while she’s a prisoner in her thoughts
and I often wonder how we would be, together, if she was free

.desire.

close your eyes so I can feel your soul from the inside out
see me without looking at me
touch me without your skin against mine
I’m lost in the sound of your voice
and when I’m not near, I imagine your lips parting so that
my fingertips graze the softest parts moments before I kiss them
I crave each second, each minute, to watch the want in your body unravel
threads of your heart, pulled back together when we merge
so beautiful you are, that this ache is like a wretched thorn in my heart
but I’ll bleed it dry just to spend one more moment in your presence
passion breaks the silence between our paused speech and builds a bridge
where we meet again for the first time
I want your forever
because you are mine

.love's slave.

Syllables and sounds of regret dance
Like flames on hot coals
Tongues disfigured in an ambiguous distortion of the truth
Your truth
But I know better
These sounds form words and lay upon my shoulder
Tips, kissed and brushed away with passion’s empty promises
I’ll never be the only one
Your only
But for now you’re here with me

So I imagine a time and place where
Rushed want is from desire rather than
A conflict of time with her
Despite the way your hand moves across my face
And tells me this is just what it is
The truth hides behind your eyes
Which unlike your mouth are unable to form such deceptive lies
I smile back in knowing that
The taste of me lingers on you When she pulls you close at night
I stroke your hair and feel the ease
In your body from my touch
And know that my goodbye will be
The very impact of love in all its complexities
So no note, no words this time
Just silence
For words become love’s slave
And this prisoner is ready to break free

untitled

false truths fall faster from your lips
than I love you can hide behind my eyes
the speed of fear and love at the intersection
of reality
chasing you like a thief in the night
you’ve stolen my heart and run away with it
too afraid to stay and let it beat inside the palms
of your hands
so
you squeeze, I’m without breath, air
i’m starved for your affection
and alive merely by the will to eat

Love's Labryinth

Talking until my lips turn blue
Cold air passing between them
Landing anywhere but near your ears
You don't hear me

It's as if the audio on your heart has turned down the logic in you mind and things are scrambled, jumbled and ready to topple over at a moments notice
You're unstable, like a house built without a foundation
You will never be home.

My thoughts fold like origami and try to make sense of the person before me
Layers of something with an end product of hidden chambers, interlocking bits & pieces
How did we get here? Love's labyrinth

I've lost you and myself in the process
Chasing your insecurities like thieves in the night
Wanting you whole was my only crime
Yet I've been sentenced to life without reciprocity

So my hearts stops banging inside my chest and splits into two,
every memory, moment and passion begins to spill out
And stain the walls of my body
I'm missing again

.lost lovers.

Say you’re misunderstood but what’s confusing is that your words are like the hard coating on your actions
Unbreakable yet so hurtful
So you crave the closeness of two lovers lost at the end of each others’ sentences
But you’re more like the period at the end; content beads up like perspiration off the skin of your lies
Your eyes
Deep hollow and rounded at the tips
I swear they were made for destruction
Yet you claim you want peace rather than war even though your heart is covered in a bullet proof vest
I stopped looking for hints of me in your smile because, your reasons for happiness left right along with them
I listened as your footsteps grew further away with each sound, each beat of your heart like a low rumble of a drum
I’m no musician but it sounded like the death of passion on pavement