Hero

In despair
each and every time I
silently wish for a hero
but only you appear
(The one who broke my heart)
With glue and promises in tow
But you look so different as a hero
That I forget underneath it all you were first the villain
I forget I wouldn't need to be saved
If I stopped putting myself in harm's way
I forget I wouldn't need your kisses to evaporate the tears you made fall
Your words dance like bubbles, soft penetrable and limited in their ability to do anything but completely disappear
My fingertips still wet and sticky
with the residue of I Love You's
But that's it -- and I can't be too sure if you were ever here
You've left no traces of an attempt to ever stay

One day

One day I'm going to fall in love, foolishly but for all the right reasons and the person I love will love me -- selflessly, perfectly
The way you never would

She will look me in the eye and I will know that the sounds forming between her lips are merely the cherry atop the whipped cream of her actions
Those words will shape my heart, my life, my present and my future
Into the shape of happiness
You know, that round block you thought fit into the square peg

I'll know that every time our eyes meet she won't be searching mine to see if I recognize the person in front of me
We will be the reflection of honesty and devotion in one another

One day I'll hold hands, watch movies and laugh until my stomach hurts with someone who knows me as well as she knows herself because we live for today
And are grateful for tomorrow
Our dreams are whispers between cool sheets and rustles of morning blankets

Sweet kisses on foreheads and I want you's that linger in a quick glance
This is love? This is love.
Hands that search for the small in her back then gently glide and wrap around her waist
I adore her every inch, every atom of her being
She completes me

One day

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false truths fall faster from your lips
than I love you can hide behind my eyes
the speed of fear and love at the intersection
of reality
chasing you like a thief in the night
you’ve stolen my heart and run away with it
too afraid to stay and let it beat inside the palms
of your hands
so
you squeeze, I’m without breath, air
i’m starved for your affection
and alive merely by the will to eat

I hate the internet

Really? Every relationship, every moment, every thought, every idea of who you "are" is based on the internet. In fact, if I could post this in a newspaper and thought it might even be seen, I would. Instead I'll settle for the fact the maybe one or two people may read this because I'm not half naked perpetrating to get attention. Where are all the real people? Do they even exist anymore? Or is it all just a show to prove who can outdo who? The funny thing is more than half of the people who spend 23.5 hours on the internet are boring, anti social, lonely, awkward people who use the internet to bully people while posting pictures as if they run shit. I'm over it. I'm over the hype & the b.s. I want to meet real people with real thoughts who do real things. Just recently I met a handful of real people and it was like learning to breathe again because I'm so tired of being around/near people who are always trying to compete and be cool. It's so disgusting and pathetic. Like whatever happened to being who you are and that being enough? Now you need the right hair, right eyes, right hair color, right phone, right extracurricular activities -- gotta be seen at the right events hanging with the "right" people. All of it is such a turn off and I feel like the people that are real are becoming extinct. You can't even date people anymore who aren't competing with you. Lame.As.Fuck.

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Constant vowels, consonants & hard syllables
I'm lost in maze of verbs, adjectives & nouns that tell me everything and nothing at the same time
I'm hearing another language for the first time
And its as if the sounds were made for my ears, the passion meant for my heart
But my tongue still trying to catch up and keep on track
With the conjugation of these letters that form that words that have become pieces of my life
I'm destined to touch each sound with the taste of desire, echoing as if each time it would be more faint
So I'm cut & pasted with ink papered stories of yesterday, today appearing like symbols in Arabic on a yellowing pad of paper
& the stench of empty promises glaze over eyes
That remember how to see what ears failed to hear the first time around
Pure bullshit.

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Words caught between the world outside and the world on the other side of doors that slam and tongues that still mentioning her love
It's validation desecrated by verses on stale pages to a pink deity whose reincarnation gave hate its most triumphant force - the human race
Race to the finish line and if no one is
there with her, she's made it
Made it so that no one could be close behind, too close to find all
The shattered mirrors because the sight of who she's become was never who she was
It's as if she lives two lives, two lies, too much about herself lost in the emptiness behind those two eyes
And her soul slips away from her body into the night like a silent thief
It wasn't hers to barter and keep
So smiles and empty words about the boyfriend she'll never have with the white picket fence, mother shes crying out to you between verse and nights of tear stained pillows
Asking you to hold her again like that day when you gave birth to your biggest accomplishment turned disappointment because the love your seed feels for another is from a garden where you feel nothing could possibly grow
No one could possibly know the shame and confusion she feels chasing your dreams even though she's never closed her eyes and seen anything but darkness trying to conjure up images of the lies that split her tongue into two like a serpent
Words replaced by a hiss, imbalanced duality caused this, slithering and writhing beneath the layers of hardened regret and yesterday's kiss
A lover left standing wondering who is this
But the question hangs in the air thick like smoke choked from the lungs of one who has never mastered the art of pretending