I hate the internet

Really? Every relationship, every moment, every thought, every idea of who you "are" is based on the internet. In fact, if I could post this in a newspaper and thought it might even be seen, I would. Instead I'll settle for the fact the maybe one or two people may read this because I'm not half naked perpetrating to get attention. Where are all the real people? Do they even exist anymore? Or is it all just a show to prove who can outdo who? The funny thing is more than half of the people who spend 23.5 hours on the internet are boring, anti social, lonely, awkward people who use the internet to bully people while posting pictures as if they run shit. I'm over it. I'm over the hype & the b.s. I want to meet real people with real thoughts who do real things. Just recently I met a handful of real people and it was like learning to breathe again because I'm so tired of being around/near people who are always trying to compete and be cool. It's so disgusting and pathetic. Like whatever happened to being who you are and that being enough? Now you need the right hair, right eyes, right hair color, right phone, right extracurricular activities -- gotta be seen at the right events hanging with the "right" people. All of it is such a turn off and I feel like the people that are real are becoming extinct. You can't even date people anymore who aren't competing with you. Lame.As.Fuck.

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Constant vowels, consonants & hard syllables
I'm lost in maze of verbs, adjectives & nouns that tell me everything and nothing at the same time
I'm hearing another language for the first time
And its as if the sounds were made for my ears, the passion meant for my heart
But my tongue still trying to catch up and keep on track
With the conjugation of these letters that form that words that have become pieces of my life
I'm destined to touch each sound with the taste of desire, echoing as if each time it would be more faint
So I'm cut & pasted with ink papered stories of yesterday, today appearing like symbols in Arabic on a yellowing pad of paper
& the stench of empty promises glaze over eyes
That remember how to see what ears failed to hear the first time around
Pure bullshit.

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Words caught between the world outside and the world on the other side of doors that slam and tongues that still mentioning her love
It's validation desecrated by verses on stale pages to a pink deity whose reincarnation gave hate its most triumphant force - the human race
Race to the finish line and if no one is
there with her, she's made it
Made it so that no one could be close behind, too close to find all
The shattered mirrors because the sight of who she's become was never who she was
It's as if she lives two lives, two lies, too much about herself lost in the emptiness behind those two eyes
And her soul slips away from her body into the night like a silent thief
It wasn't hers to barter and keep
So smiles and empty words about the boyfriend she'll never have with the white picket fence, mother shes crying out to you between verse and nights of tear stained pillows
Asking you to hold her again like that day when you gave birth to your biggest accomplishment turned disappointment because the love your seed feels for another is from a garden where you feel nothing could possibly grow
No one could possibly know the shame and confusion she feels chasing your dreams even though she's never closed her eyes and seen anything but darkness trying to conjure up images of the lies that split her tongue into two like a serpent
Words replaced by a hiss, imbalanced duality caused this, slithering and writhing beneath the layers of hardened regret and yesterday's kiss
A lover left standing wondering who is this
But the question hangs in the air thick like smoke choked from the lungs of one who has never mastered the art of pretending

This heart...

This heart is inexplicably devoid of the saturation of human lust, trust
If loins, not love, could penetrate my chambers instead of gut wrenching romance
This dance between lovers limbs, whims, brights and dims, could lead me through the dark
And find the way back to me again
Save face from the hurt and pain again
Damn this tangled mess of emotional threads, hanging overhead, like a beaten cloud ready to bend
Bend, pour and flood even more
The sweet turns sour and you can't remember that good feeling before
Chance turns to fate and repeat offenders continue to commit crimes, spit lines, and nestle in the confines
Of your wilting soul, heart decayed, rotting, stinking for the world to see displayed
The end was the beginning if the first time is already the last
And if you want to know the truth of the matter, there's no one left to ask

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..uncertainty

hangs like a thick cloud of distrust
your words your
space
the things you left out
the lies by omission, someone I once knew called them
I fight to find the truth behind eyes
that leave me with questions
my heart burns like a fire raging out of control
out of your reach
you never really held it anyway
asleep I fight the fears in my dreams and then wake to find
you're still the same
but I guess I've changed

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