Underwater

Grateful, ungrateful... words that circle my spirit like vultures of life. I never learned to balance love with my own hopes, dreams or desires....mainly because I've always been attached to people (friends&lovers) who I thought needed me more. Turns out the majority of them have everything but were lazy and basically holding me under water so they didn't drown.

For my birthday in 2011, I've been looking at solo cruises and trips. I think I just need to get away by myself, for myself, for awhile. This past year has really brought me full circle. I deserve more than I get from everyone in my life. It's that simple. I tend to feel like a waitress taking the orders of those I care about, as well as paying for the meal..no tip, no gratitude; just expectancy. I've pulled away and fought to gain peace of mind.

Love used to be so important to me, more important than the air you and I breathe, but I never realized I was choking...never saw my face turning purple and distorted before my eyes. I look in the mirror and love is not there. It's been boarded up and replaced by reason, logic and determination.

I keep wondering if I'm meant to balance the two, let them live harmoniously side by side, or if one will just never mix with the other...drops of water sliding down an oily mixture.

With this year coming to a close, I have to stay resolute in my journey for better things, better situations and the big move that I've always longed for...time to find a place that I can call home.

Time for a lot more me and a lot less of everyone else. This time I'd like to stay afloat.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5