first last time

The first time was like an eternity had passed in between
Space and time on a constant high and rewind
Rewind
Damn
The first time I looked into your eyes
The first time I felt like you were mine
The first time I knew I wanted to cross that line
Push deep inside your cerebellum
Every time you said you were fine

So much time has passed over now and then
A revolving door of fluid thoughts covering us both
In wet splashes of emotion
And painting us hues of love
The colors
They blend
Procreate
And give birth to
A new shade
Shade in the corners of each other’s hearts
Safe
We’re safe here
Silent smiles cross through the air
Like unspoken words
And kisses left lingering
Your breathe becomes
More than just my air
It becomes my life

And just when I thought I’d
Never be the type

I wish I was your first love
But I plan to be your first
And only
Last time

i needed you.

Rain tears through the sky and hits hard, like sheets of metal against the earth
And I hear the sound of redemption as it cleanses
I hear the sounds of peace as everything is washed anew
The chance for me and you

Thunder roars in the sky warning me of its contempt
I’ve finally been given, should it be taken away
Drowning me in the revelation of tomorrow’s yesterday
My mouth is full of raindrops that wash all of the doubt I’d try to say

It slows down quickly, clinging to my shoulders
coming to my senses as I’m soaked
From the inside out
I had to understand the many tears I’d cried
And what they were always about

I needed you

scraped

I want to climb inside my head and chase away the thoughts of yesterday
I want to scrape you from the lining of my heart and watch you bleed into a puddle
Of forgotten memories
I can’t
I can’t today
So tired of carrying these broken pieces on my back in this burlap sack
Like any adhesive could repair the damage you’ve done
Like any one else wouldn’t burn under the weight of these acidic tears
And smeared ink fears

Run after those memories in my thoughts only to catch them
And remember why I didn’t want to see them before me
Feel them adore me
And break down my resolve to let you go
But you smile back at me here
You already know

Rubber cemented yourself in between the layers of my pores
And within the scars that hid behind laughter
You found me in that small space, carried me out, sat me beside you
And saw love’s caged curiousity spring forth with life
Right there, right then
You knew I loved you
And I hated you for that
You knew I’d never let go

Prying your words from around my throat with vice grips of reason
Air starts to fill my lungs, but the mental photographs won’t pass
Closing my eyes willing them to be burned with my darkness
but it disappoints me
I chastise you in that silence
I can’t
I can’t today

It hurts to feel
It hurts to be