stingy or self - preservation?

I was an only child for 12 years. I still consider myself an only child since my brother and I are 11 years apart roughly. No one ever has really helped me. I learned to climb mountains from the experiences of falling down and skinning my knees. I still have the mentality of an only child in a lot of ways. I’m independent. I’m used to taking the blame for nothing and everything all at once. I don’t like to share. I really don’t like to share. What’s mine is mine and yea, that’s how that goes.

Probably doesn’t help that I’m an Aries. We are fairly territorial about loved ones and friends, but the point that I’m making is, I’ve always had to share so I think that’s why I don’t like to. An only child that had to share her parents, one living in South America until she was 18 making a new family, and another who worked 3 jobs for most of her life. There has never been a time that I’ve felt like something or someone was mine. I don’t mean ownership. As for something, every activity I was involved in, I shared the accomplishments with groups of people. As for people, I mean their attention, their affection, their devotion, that type of “mine”. Granted as people we all have faults and hang-ups but how hard is it to really come across someone who has some sort of grasp on who they are, what they want and where they are going?

As far as I can see, it’s tough. I mean a lot of people are “yes men/women”. They agree to all different kinds of things to pursue a relationship with someone they don’t really connect with so it isn’t until shortly after (if you’re lucky) or decades later (if you’re not so lucky) that the layers of so-called truth begin to peel and you see them for who they really are. They shed that snake skin and become a completely different shade altogether. How many people can really be real with themselves and the ones they claim to love? I guess what I’m saying is I’m tired of sharing what I hold close with other people with individuals/situations that have robbed them of their ability to feel secure, to love, to feel worthy. I’m tired of sharing the things I’m good at with wasted time at a job where I am unappreciated, undervalued and disrespected. I’m tired of sharing the best parts of me with friends and family who take advantage. I want to be stingy. I want to be stingy and feel right in my stinginess. Is that a bad thing?