Monday, August 31, 2009

debris


when I need you

you always fall short

fall away

fall back

fall behind

catastrophes follow

close on my heels

like a tornado ripping up everything

anything

What’s left

constantly taking samples

of my sanity

compassionate

and guided direction

cause you can’t afford

more than a trial size

you can’t afford to live the life

you lied

fear glazes your eyes

in the heat of a hateful rant

standing strong

and impenetrable

you cant

seem to get

a reaction

out

of

me

i chip the layers

of stress, anger, and settled love

watch them flake,

break into bits of debris

falling into a sort of broken halo

all around me

divine intervention

they always say

divine

this

the sound.

i can sit in silence
and listen to the sound it makes
feel the passion it creates
command the stir of emotion
and intensity
it breaks

me down

stolen; life, liberty & the pursuit of happiness


*she walks out of her office only to return minutes later. it's gone*
[the woman on the floor below me had her purse stolen a few hours ago]

..the notion of theft, thievery, stealing is that something is taken from someone else. something that doesn't belong the the thief. something that may hold more than monetary value to the owner.

in my mind the thought of "things" and acquiring them is far from what's really important. newer. nicer. better. faster. spark-lier. just things. they can all be replaced. and often times the newer they are, the more likely they are to fall apart. like people. places. vehicles. clothes. relationships. even food.

where did the times go where people worked hard for what they had? cherished every dime they clutched between their palms in the great depression? respected thy fellow man. no not now, not in the recession of this decade. slow decline in faith, in life, in the pursuit of happiness. not just a movie or on the declaration of independence: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. what is happiness? why are we pursuing it? it is something tangible? something we can eat or smell? taste or hold? something we can find at the bottom of a purse that doesn't belong to us that will make our world a better place? give us hope for a better day? when did becoming happy mean that we had to intentionally inflict pain on others?

some could argue, she should have locked her door, she should have done this, she should have done that. all true points perhaps, but it doesn't absolve the thief of the crime he committed. doesn't ease the mind of an elderly women whose personal belongings have been ravaged by a complete stranger, who will have her address, know her social security number and could even go as far as stealing her identity. she's a new woman, or is she? i know people who've had identities stolen and houses purchased by con artists. this world we live in. this place where a dollar takes the place of reaching out to the palm underneath it for some sense of unity. some sense of security. for this is the first time and won't be the last that the government once again has us turn on one another for what we lack, or what we think we lack, at the hands of complete strangers. no one sitting behind their desk with a tie, a cigar and an oceanfront property in the keys is being robbed. no one lining their pockets with crispy green paper at the expense of hardworking americans is giving up a time to those less fortunate.

what's been stolen is more than just money, or identity. we've lost who we are. and the government continues to steal the last bits of humanity we have left.

*the purse is found shortly after in a the men's bathroom. all that was taken was the money. but at what cost? is there humanity after all?*

where the sidewalk ends...


...those days. when you sit and wonder: how did i get here exactly? where did i make a right, instead of left? the time has flown by ..along with your dreams, aspirations, hopes, goals, even love..or what's supposed to make that organ inside your chest beat erratically, as serotonin floods your mind and body...feel good. if only for a little while. realistically speaking, all the things you said you would you be, you're not, all the places you said you would go, you've never been. you wonder how to change all of this again. a rebirth. an spiritual journey inward to make sense of the chaos that has become your life, your light, a permanent fixture in the ceiling of the world you call home...dim and in dire need of a change. the natural light isn't doing it for you anymore. you need more. you need more. i need more. we need more. you wake up, you brush your teeth, you groom. you put yourself together for another day. just like the last. and you wonder why it always seems to last. so long. maybe longer than yesterday. but still ironically the same. and before you know it, another year of days like that has gone by. wearing a watch would only be confirmation of the time slipping away like the sands in an hourglass. you can't stop it, you can only jump into the flow of whatever today means and what tomorrow will bring. take that leap. see what's after the sidewalk ends.

outside in

dreams that are fraught
with an awakening
a celestial space-ining
lining the walls of my mind
and painting pictures
that are visible only
from the inside out
outside in
she looks in
and i look out
and in
to her inside out
outside in
the hues of her splendor
blending into mine
one can begin
where the other ends
interlocking twists of fragile moments
made stronger by depth
made stronger by what's left