Pessimistic Optimist

I like cinnamon applesauce. Perhaps looking at the small container of a lighter unsweetened version of applesauce today made me think about it. I don’t know why that prompted more, but it did. Two spoonfuls later, I’m not displeased but I’m not overjoyed as I am when there is cinnamon in it. In fact, it’s taken on a kind of bland mush taste in my mouth with the consistency of oatmeal. That’s kind of how “change” works for me most of the time. It might not be something terrible, but the chances of it being “great” are fairly slim and it gets progressively less desirable. Why is that? Why couldn’t a change knock my socks off? Am I too optimistic that change could bring something better? Is the grass always greener in my mind? Or maybe it’s simple. Maybe it’s just that my life sucks. I find that easier to believe. It’s more of a reality than anyone or anything else around me. I’m a pessimistic optimist. Hear me roar.

Love's Rhythm

The parts of me that long for the best of you
Have silenced my tongue and stolen my heart beats
Heart
Beat
Heart
Be
At this place in time where I can’t make sense of
Yesterday’s today and tomorrow’s beginning
I’m lost and craving my sanity
That is you, that is everything you do

I falter where I stand and land
Directly in the palms of your desire
You cup me in your hands
And keep me safe, it’s dark
But the light is blinding
So I’ll feel my way out this time
I’ll have to make up my mind

The solace that comes from certainty is
Often tainted with the lack of originality
that infinite possibilities
Could bring
Becomes just another “thing”
Another pointless “fling”

Servitude, a few inches from a slave
To the heart’s damnation and unwavering faith
In its ability to give emotion life
Without reason
Without cause
Without doubt

This is love’s rhythm
And just when you match it
It changes
It grows
It becomes an entirely new song
With new words
But the result is still the same

Love